2026-04-02
The Bailiff Cometh (with apologies to the Gasman)
"Twas on the Monday morning that the bailiff came to call ... "
Firstly, ask for their name , address, and whom they represent. You will need this.
- Establish your ground - literally:
"I am giving you verbal notice that I have withdrawn your implied right of access to this property, you are now a trespasser, please leave immediately" - "Before we proceed, I need to establish your jurisdiction. Are you acting as a public servant, or a private contractor for a corporation?" (or other legal entity)
- "I require the original wet ink signature on that warrant, a digital print-out or a photocopy is not a lawful instrument of authority"
- "If you enter this property, you are accepting full personal liability for any damages or trauma caused. I am recording this for future evidence in a future claim"
- "Your claim is in dishonour. I have requested a VAT valid invoice and proof of assigned contract, which you have failed to provide. Therefore there is no lawful debt"
- Bills of Exchange Act 1882 - "I do not consent to you processing my data - under GDPR I am requesting your Data Protection Officer's details and proof that you have a lawful basis to hold my information without consent"
- "Show me the contract. I have no agreement with <company name>"
(8 minutes) This is not legal advice ... it is what you make of it. E. & O. E.
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